How to Improve Relationships: 4 Important Tips

A crisis can arise in any relationship, no one is immune from it. Such a crisis looks like an emotional chasm that grows between partners, causing more and more quarrels and misunderstandings. However, it is important to understand that the crisis can be resolved: the desire and participation of both parties is important.

Why Does Discord Occur in Relationships?

There are a number of reasons that can cause a crisis in any couple.

  • Disagreement in views. It may concern the methods of raising children, the family budget, the distribution of household responsibilities. The problem with this point often leads to the next one.
  • Bad communication. Arguments and disagreements, in which no one wants to give in, will not help in any way in resolving your differences. Only deplete relationships with a partner.
  • Lack of trust. Infidelity, suspicion, an increased sense of jealousy, all this does not contribute to your relationship in any way.
  • Trouble. There are many reasons for it: alcoholism, drug addiction, personality disorder, mental illness.

Psychologist, family and marriage expert John Gottman identifies 4 “talking” signs, which he calls the “horsemen of the apocalypse”: these are poor communication, aggressive defensive reactions, contempt for a partner and defiant ignorance.

What to do?

  1. List the positive aspects of your relationship. Think back to how you met your partner. Why were you attracted to each other? List the strengths of your couple and your relationship. Think about how they can help you resolve the crisis.
  2. Deal with problems in order. Make a list of all the problems and disagreements in your couple and choose one to start with, temporarily setting aside the rest. Having dealt with this issue, in a couple of days you can move on to the next one.
  3. Forgive your partner’s mistakes and remember your own. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. But without forgiveness, the relationship is unlikely to be brought out of the impasse. Surely you both made many mistakes that you bitterly regret. It is important to ask yourself the question: “Will I be able to forgive myself and my partner for everything we said and did, or will these grievances continue to poison our relationship until the very end?” At the same time, of course, certain actions cannot be forgiven – for example, violence.
  4. “We” instead of “I”. “In a crisis situation, it is very important to develop a common approach to relationships from the position of“ we ”, emphasizes psychologist Stan Tatkin . Taking care of yourself from the “me” perspective is also important, but in this case, it doesn’t help to strengthen or repair relationships.

Discord in a relationship drains your physical and mental strength, so it’s important to deal with it as soon as possible. There is almost always a chance to salvage the situation and return harmony and happiness to your marriage.

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