Talking about sex is as natural as talking about food. Sex is one of our physiological needs. And if we cannot talk about sex spontaneously, naturally, naturally, then we have a taboo on this subject.
If we express our own desire and even receive a refusal, we will find out the reality of what is happening and will continue to act in accordance with what we hear. It is not a fact that an initial refusal means a refusal in the future. But if we do not express ourselves, then this will have far greater consequences than if we would express ourselves: remain dissatisfaction with ourselves, our partner, self-flagellation, dissatisfaction, irritation, self-doubt … And all this, like an ink stain, spreads to other areas of our of life.
Remaining sexually unsatisfied, we begin to look for satisfaction in something else: in work, food, shopping, additional attention, recognition and approval of us. We transfer our dissatisfaction to something else or to someone else, often even not knowing it ourselves. A buffer zone arises between us and our partner, we cannot live openly, naturally and, being closed, we experience stress. The quality of life is declining.
Therefore, talking about sex, about your needs and requirements is very important.
How to talk about sex so as not to offend your partner?
1 . You need to talk about yourself, open in front of a partner . Talk about your needs, desires, fantasies, about what you would like. Speak sincerely as it is.
We are afraid to open up because we think that they will condemn us, they will not understand, they will ridicule us. We are afraid to lose our own image in the eyes of another, we are afraid to experience psychological pain, but being protected from psychological pain, not opening up, afraid to lose our “face”, we remain closed, unsatisfied, we bind in our own doubts and fears, and then we begin to compensate for all this .
It turns out that fear of future psychological pain, avoidance of an illusory future leads to real suffering in the present. Paradoxically, but a fact.
2. Never blame your partner. Each of us has our own limitations, our own ideas and understanding, and accusations – this is the road to nowhere. If you blame another person, it just closes and nothing good comes of it.
3. Do not be afraid. Or, rather, be afraid and act. Fear is like fog. When you enter it, it dissipates. It is terrible only at a distance, before we start to do something and act, but when we are in the action itself, when we start to do something, there is no fear. Fear is born from the mental gap between the present and the future.
4. Leave the space open. Do not make plans for how your conversation should go, how your partner should behave, what to answer, how to talk. Our disappointments are not born from reality, but from the destruction of our expectations.
To suppress your desires and pretend that everything is fine, to hush up problems is to shut yourself away from them and pretend that they are not. So they will never make up their minds. Instead of acting, deciding, opening up before a partner, and then sorting out the reality of what is happening, growing up, gaining experience in a couple, we will only dream, be sick, and wait for the ideal circumstances in our life, the ideal partner, and we will finally find happiness.
Happiness never comes outside. It is always within us and depends on us.