Love until the grave: 10 deadly positions in sex

The thirst for novelty and the pursuit of orgasm can lead to dangerous experiments in awkward positions or treacherous places. In our top 10 dangerous positions, you will find options for sex in which you can end up badly.

1. On the table

The table is designed for dining, writing or working at the computer. Table manufacturers do not make products tailored to their customers’ sexual fantasies. During rough sex, the tabletop and legs may simply not withstand and collapse under the weight of partners. And this can lead to severe fractures and injuries of internal organs.

2. On the stairs

As a child, I had the same nightmare every day for years: I walk up the stairs, and the steps underneath me collapse, and I fall into a dark abyss. Recently, my paranoia at the sight of stairs has intensified, as I heard a lot of stories from friends about them falling down stairs during sex. Want to dislocate your shoulder during a romp? Then climb the ladder, as my brilliant friend did. A ladder is a reliable way to injure yourself, up to a fracture of the ridge.

3. In the arms of a standing partner

The position in which a man stands and holds his girlfriend in his arms is another guaranteed way to harm himself. Often a man flatters himself and is absolutely sure that he will keep his girlfriend. In fact, after five minutes of vigorous movement, even a sporty guy can run out of steam. Knees buckle, hands tremble and – voila ! The lady falls to the floor with a squeal. The pose is dangerous primarily for the beautiful half of humanity, guaranteeing bruises, fractures and head injuries with all the unpleasant (up to lethal) consequences. The threat for men is not so terrible: back pain and disadvantaged dignity. In both senses of the word, because the piper can be damaged while it is in the falling lady.

4. On a chair (or in a chair) with raised legs

Sex on a chair is, in principle, comfortable. Yes, there is a risk that the legs will break, but as long as the partner rests her feet on the floor, she is not in danger of serious injuries. The situation is completely different with the positions in which the girl’s legs are on the man’s shoulders. If she falls due to broken legs, the lady will land on the tailbone, and if the chair can withstand it, then it’s easy to screw up from it and hit the back of the head on the floor. We can only hope for the excellent reaction of the partner and his strong hands.

5. Rocking chair

Do you want to dislocate a guy’s penis and hit the back of your head on the floor? If not, then I highly do not recommend having sex in this position. This is one of the most flexible positions, guaranteeing serious injury. 

6. Sex in the boat

Have you ever tried having sex on a boat? I was lucky: I was young, in love and loved to suffer from nonsense. It was difficult to resist: my chosen one rowed boldly, playing with muscles, beads of sweat dripped down his bare torso. The atmosphere was so romantic: there was not a soul around, water lilies on the water, and the two of us were among the beauties of nature. We lay down, it appears, on the bottom of the boat and … then it turned out that the benches were getting in the way, the bottom (curved, hard and corrugated) crashed into the body so painfully, and the boat was shaking so that you could easily fall overboard. There – to the insidious vines of water lilies that will entangle you hand and foot. By the way, never swim among the water lilies. I almost drowned.

7. Birch

This position can be found in lists of the sexiest positions for sex. Don’t think about it, I love experiments and am always happy to try something like that. But this idea still reminds of itself with a pain in the neck. It’s just some kind of nightmare, gentlemen! Who, pray tell, came up with this brutal mockery? How can you have sex in the “birch” position? The man’s member constantly, sorry, slips out, his head is spinning from the rush of blood. Breaking your neck in this position will probably not be difficult.

8. On a chair (in a chair) with a reclining back

Can you make chair sex even more dangerous? But how! We settle in an office chair with a floating back. Let your partner lean back, and now transfer your body weight to him. Plus: 100 kg of the average guy + 50 kg of the girl. And bzdymts ! The back flies off and you fall to the floor. He hits the back of his head, you “kiss” the floor with your nose. Both are guaranteed a concussion.

9. Standing in the shower

Most bathroom positions are extremely dangerous. One of my (already ex) boyfriend loved water procedures. For him, sex in the shower was some kind of fix idea. I dodged as best I could, but one day he persuaded me. Think you haven’t slipped? And how! Although I prudently held on to the wall, I still lost my balance from the guy’s forward jerks. From experience I will say: falling in the shower is extremely unpleasant. Everything is so solid there: from tiles to plumbing. Fortunately, I got off with a slight fright and a bruise, but the guy almost fell into a coma, after listening in the most rude terms to everything I think about him and his damned sexual fantasies.  

10. Wheelbarrow

It looks not so scary, right? There is a pillow under the head, and the guy is holding the girl by the legs. But this is in theory, but in practice … The pose is horrible! It is difficult to maintain balance when a man jerks you back and forth. At the same time, he carefully holds you by the legs with a stranglehold so that you do not fall. And it hurts, I must say, holds. In this variant, two falls are possible – back to the knees (painful, but bearable), forward: with a blow to the head (the pillow does not save). A woman in this case can injure her back and neck. And in general, most of these positions are threatening injuries to us, the ladies. Surely men invented them.
And these are not all dangerous positions. Also, the danger lurks during sex in the car or in the kitchen – next to the stove. Research has shown that popular missionary and doggy styles often lead to … a broken penis! Doggy-style options with fast and sweeping movements of a man are especially dangerous . The stallions are so carried away that they injure themselves. Personally, I have never encountered such horror, but an acquaintance of an acquaintance of my acquaintance (and this is not a joke) really had such an accident. Poor fellow, this was how painful it was … Interestingly, according to doctors, the positions “woman on top” are considered the least traumatic and safe . Give domination over men! They themselves are better off. What, my dears, have I made you paranoid? Take your time to put on your chastity belt with a lock and throw away the key. Fortunately, there are many comfortable sex positions that will keep us safe and enjoyable.   

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