It was a two week vacation at sea and I became very addicted to a friend of my cousin (in hindsight, it was the most adorable sex of my life, but it doesn’t matter). We were at a beach party in a small cottage right by the sea. After a few crazy cocktails, we decided to take a romantic walk … We didn’t have time to go far when we found ourselves on the sand in each other’s arms and without clothes. I learned some valuable lessons that evening, and I feel it is my duty to share them with you.
1. Do your research
If you want to have sex on the beach without spectators, you must remember that it will not be the passionate and spontaneous impulse that is shown in the movies. You need to think over everything to the smallest detail in order to avoid unpleasant surprises, in the form of perverted observers. Therefore, go to the beach in advance and look for small coves, secluded spots, uninhabited shores or small islands of land in the middle of the river.
2. Pack everything you need in your bag
You know, when people are about to have a baby, they have to pack a bag for the hospital a few weeks before the baby is happy? It’s the same, only you should store your beach sex bag in the trunk of your car or deep in your closet. Be sure to put sunscreen (there is nothing worse than a burnt chest, believe me), contraceptives, water, sunglasses, hats and large umbrellas behind which you can hide from prying eyes.
3. Find the largest towel / blanket on the planet
This is why sex on the beach should only be in the movies – sand. Sand is everywhere! It is necessary to get a handful of sand in the genitals to understand the true meaning of the term “perverse and cruel punishment.” Therefore, find the largest towel or blanket you can possibly find. When having sex, try to stay in the center and make sure that the sand does not get too close to you. Also, look for a blanket that is soft enough to avoid bruising all over your body. Yes, there is little pleasure from such a process, but we warned you.
4. Find the right pose
While we are talking about all the inconveniences caused by the sand, it is worth noting that the best position for the beach is doggy style sex. You don’t need a towel to do this, just lean over a large stone. It may not be as romantic as you would imagine in a look-in-my-eyes position, but the further you are from the sand, the better.
Despite what is shown in the movies, missionary position is not suitable for beach sex. Despite your best efforts to go unnoticed, your man’s bare buttocks will scream like a red flag all over the beach that you are doing something obscene. And before you know it, you are already having sex in front of a dozen curious viewers. Instead, I suggest indulging a little, and if you are in a swimsuit, you can have sex on your side. You can also sit your man on his knees facing him and wrap your legs around his waist.
But be sure to cover your shoulders with a large towel for privacy. And always keep an eye out for crabs and other marine life!
5. Don’t get caught by the police
Imagine a conversation:
– Oh, hello, how’s the weekend?
– Ah, it’s awful. I was arrested for having sex on the beach, and then the cops took me home to my mom.
Pleasure? We don’t think so. Hide behind rocks, bushes, changing rooms, at the far end of the beach, and even disguise yourself. Getting caught by the cops is much worse than having sex in front of a curious crowd. The laws of most countries around the world consider sex in public places as a crime for which you can get a prison sentence.
6. Do not go into the water (especially the salty sea)
Here’s another “fun” idea that you are tempted to bring to life when you are on the beach. But, in fact, it is even worse than sex in the sand. Sex at sea! Of course, everything looks very romantic on TV, and you are gently swayed on the waves against the backdrop of the sunset. In the reality? Water flushes all natural lubricant from the genitals, and increased friction leads to discomfort and physical pain. And even worse, the rubbing of leather and salt!
7. Find the right time
Night is obviously the best time for beach sex because of the darkness factor and because there is usually no one around at this time. This is also the only time you can afford to be completely naked on most public beaches.
But if you want to have sex during daylight hours or in the rays of the setting sun, you have another option: go on an exploration. Look for a secluded area of sand that can only be reached one way (this way you can see when someone is approaching you). In addition, spend a few hours of exploration at the site, watching how often fishing and other secluded lovers turn up here.
8. Sand is the main enemy of your genitals!
There are a few precautions you need to take in advance to avoid getting sand in your most intimate areas. First, bring a giant towel or beach blanket (see # 3) that you two can fit comfortably on. Or better yet, do as many families with children do and bring one of those portable beach tents that give you optimal protection from the sun and prying eyes (your skin will thank you for that!).
9. Don’t forget about romance
Once all the technical problems are solved, it’s time for the simplest thing: enjoy. Sex on the beach is wild and romantic. And let’s be honest, this is not an everyday activity that you can practice every day or any time you want. So besides sex, take time to listen to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, or, if it’s night, look at the beautiful starry sky. Then you will never forget this evening and you will definitely want to repeat it, because it is in the atmosphere that the beauty of sex on the beach lies.
10. Take a dip, but only after
Chances are you’ll end up all wet and head to toe in the sand. And here comes the best part: swimming in the water, which is just a few steps away. I assure you, the lapping waves and the cool, refreshing sea are the best end to beach sex (much better than a cigarette).
Be brave and be sure to try some wild or romantic sex on the beach at least once in your life! Have you ever had sex on the beach? Be sure to share your experience in the comments below.