Nothing boded trouble, peace and quiet, the spread out bed … and then, as if an ancient Chinese curse broke the samurai’s jade rod. As if the Leaning Tower of Pisa tilted listlessly and finally fell. You conjured like a snake charmer, delicately pretending that everything was fine, fighting the perspiration on your forehead. But at some point, I had to admit the obvious – your male friend gave up and quietly, peacefully preparing to go to sleep. What if the partner’s penis has not risen? What are the reasons for such a delicate problem and how to get out of it with the elegance of a queen and not a sea urchin? You can’t go to your mom and girlfriends with that. Luckily you have this article.
Any sexologist will tell you that there can be about as many reasons for a sluggish penis as there are examples of female logic. Deal with them after the fact, when the light is on, the first embarrassment has passed, and a glass of wine is in hand to calm the nerves. Lack of erection is the same first, teenage sex, only with a minus sign: no one knows what to do, all the participants are terribly ashamed and everyone is trying to pretend as much as possible that they are just indulging in buns. Let us first consider the most important thing that you should or should not do in the first minutes, when it becomes obvious that a catastrophe cannot be avoided, the Titanic is sinking, and your great evening is already at the bottom with it.
Bed Survivor Memo: Your First Steps
First of all, don’t jump to conclusions. As soon as you went to bed, and you fearfully, but with interest, felt his panties – do not rush to roll your eyes in disappointment. Men – they are not much different from us, no matter how books and courses convince us. Your rider also needs time , especially if he gets used to the new stall. If time passes, you puff, and the results are zero, then cut down some moments in your memory and never forget them. You can forget the recipe for Margarita, mom’s birthday, but these tips will help you not to lose your boyfriend.
1. Jokes aside
For God’s sake, for the sake of all the forces of nature, for the sake of the precepts of “Sex and the City” and the normal future life of this poor fellow – do not laugh. That is, of course, I hope that you are not a moral monster and you understand that poking your finger and laughing loudly is the worst thing that you can think of in this situation (even just make big eyes and jump out the window, like Zoro is not so bad). But there are such ladies who panic and a perverse sense of humor can prompt: “Hey, friend, awkwardness can be smoothed out with a joke.” Therefore, no one “who gets up late, nobody gives him” and other anecdotes for three hundred. No laughs and no demonstration of your sense of humor. Remember, the laughter of a woman in bed during a problem situation is a guy with complexes for many years and the inability to normally relax with a girl.
2. No persuasion
Sex is not diplomacy, it is simply impossible to persuade the “kid” to stand here. The lady looks incredibly stupid, who in a deliberately affectionate voice, as if addressing a mentally ill person , says : “Well, do your best , child , little thing , get up, get up”. I just want to mimic in the manner of “Get up and go!”, Only the penis has no ears, but the guy has nerves that give up anyway, and then there is persuasion. If it worked, we would manipulate men in bed like toys.
3. No hot games
Trying to saddle a dying horse is breaking your legs. This is not a proverb of seasoned cowboys – this is the truth of life. Therefore, just imagine how you will scare even a stern man, who is already completely deactivated, if you jump on him with crazy eyes flying out of orbits, in an attempt to revive him with nothing but horror.
4. No ignore
Demonstratively turning away on your side and actively starting to edit the profile in Tinder is also not worth it. As well as just turning away. As well as picking up the phone. As well as leaving to another room. He definitely doesn’t want to be confronted with the problem.
5. Deny the obvious
Let’s face it, such a scenario looks just incredibly stupid. If only because you cannot continue it forever, and the more you are, the more disgusting it will be. You will also wait for him to literally poke his fallen penis in your face, and you look the other way and just exclaim: “What did you say, dear? What? I don’t hear you lost your condom? ” You will offend, and also make you believe that you clearly have problems with IQ.
What can you do?
Let’s proceed from the fact that such a situation happened once or twice, because, and we will touch on this later, if it is constant, then there is no time for embarrassment and denial of the obvious. First of all, it is you who will have to put aside panic and act like a soldier – collected and clearly. Fell down, wrung out. That is, she removed her stupid smile and exhaled.
1. Don’t panic
In the life of every man, there are times when it did not work out. This must be remembered, because it is from the feeling that everything is normal and you need to build on. If you make a tragedy out of this, and first of all, you will create it – all this will really turn into a Shakespearean drama in three acts. A large study in the United States, in 1992, which was attended by 3000 men, showed that men reach orgasm in 90% of cases. The same survey revealed that 85% of men had erection problems at least once in their lives.
Carol Queen
sexologist, author of books on sex
Women should understand that foreplay is also very important for men. During them, a special secret is produced in the vagina, which facilitates intercourse for both the partner and the partner. They also psychologically predispose to a normal, erect state.
See, even simple stroking can affect your erection. In general, literally everything can affect her – a bad mood, insecurity, problems at work, rain on Thursday. So, of course, it’s good that you think of your stallion as a sex machine, but it would be better not to forget that he is human. Plus, you can always revive the passion in the bedroom by using sex toys that guarantee an orgasm. Realizing that he can bring you to the peak of bliss without an erection, a man will stop fixating on the problem. he will feel calmer and easier – this is an important step on the way to restore strength and health.
2. Control your emotions
You should be calm, like a killer in fact. A killer who will shoot your partner’s insecurities. Do not show with your face that you are upset, angry, disappointed that it made you laugh. Be calm, benevolent. Surely your mother told you that men are the same children, and in this situation you can be convinced of this.
3. Lead a dialogue
Yes, I understand perfectly well that it is not easy for you, too, and that at such a moment you dream of being anywhere, even in Jurassic Park. But just imagine the guy’s excitement in this case. It is much, much more difficult and offensive for him than for you. Assure him that everything is fine. Calm down that you are not offended. Even say the usual platitudes – it happens to everyone, next time it will work out. Just try not to pity or sympathize – men cannot stand pity and feel flawed.
4. Try to take revenge in the morning
Morning erection is like a jackpot for those who absolutely want to get a “hard” from a guy.
Inna Boone
gynecologist
Even trying to resist nature, 90% of men have morning erections. At the same time, it is easiest to excite him and bring him to orgasm. These are common evolutionary mechanisms that have not disappeared for millennia.
Unfortunately, the list of actions is simple and small, but it is no less effective. Just do not isolate yourself, be calm and benevolent – this will already be enough for him to relax. Statistics have shown us that 85% have had erection problems at least once. Well, with such a large percentage, sooner or later you would still find yourself in this situation. So this is not a tragedy. We women do not orgasm happen for many reasons, a strong part of humanity too not iron.
If you didn’t get up once or twice
So, now, like Indiana Jones, let’s get to the bottom of the treasure of truth, why is this happening and what should we do at all? We look at the statistics and calm ourselves down. According to a 2014 survey by the University of Kansas, the main causes of one-off erection problems can be identified.
1. Mood
It’s not only you that may have a headache and you’re just out of sorts, and generally leave me alone. It is inconceivable that a man would not want sex. How so, he’s a macho, he’s a male. Advertising and mass media made a cruel joke – it is impossible to refuse sexual intercourse. But things are not so rosy in real life. Most guys will say that they did not get up because they are not in the mood, tired, depressed, and so on.
2. This is your first time
A nightmare and a terrible injustice, but you can’t argue against nature. I understand that this is insulting about the same as the ending of “Breaking Bad”. But excitement plays a role. Imagine only yourself in his place. You are trying to get a girl for a long time, you sweat all evening in a restaurant and are strained looking for topics for conversation, when she sits next to her, smiles and smells very tasty, and even laughs at jokes, then you have to figure out how to lure her home so as not to be considered vulgar, then you have to undress and appear before her as during the day of judgment, in which your mother gave birth, and it is not a fact that you have a bolt there that can be killed. So that…
3. Frequent masturbation
But my mother said that it was impossible to be naughty at home alone, and she scared with all sorts of horror stories that her hand would become hairy! I didn’t, everything turned out to be much worse. Constantly stimulating the “friend”, the man teaches him to “hard” sensations, but in the vagina everything is quite tender and lamp-like . There is only one way out, and the guys obviously won’t like it. Take a temporary lunch of Bezpornia and, like the monks from Shaolin, do not contemplate and do not encourage yourself, looking at the delights of Sasha Gray.
4. Overexcitation
The caress should be just enough to inflame, but not get bored. If you work like a kite, hanging over his penis for a good forty minutes, your partner can simply burn out. The penis can get tired too. Tantric, relaxed sex will help you.
5. You’re too hot.
Yes, yes, there is such an interesting reason at the bottom of the rating. Approximately the same as with overexcitation. A man may consider you too, downright too sexy and attractive that he is simply lost in your presence. Even if you are not a model, let’s not discount the good old love. The truth is quite funny: a guy is more willing and easier to sleep with an ugly lady for him, but he will be nervous with a beauty in his concept. So do not rush to receive complexes and take a vow of chastity.
Systematic problem
Things are much worse if the problem persists for months and years. Often, a specialist is needed here, and not conversations and articles on the Internet.
Carol Queen
sexologist, author of books on sex
The sooner a man turns to a doctor, the less problems and their consequences will be. When tightening, it can come to an operation and a long course with a psychologist.
But remember, there is little chance that your partner’s behavior is the norm for his health. All people have different temperaments, which is why it is so important to pay attention to compatibility. Only a doctor can tell if this is really so. If for a long time a man does not have an erection at all or it is, but it is very weak (the penis does not rise completely), then the reasons may lie in anatomical defects – a violation in the arterial system, a failure of the nerve signal, damage to the genital muscles . It also happens that guys have endocrine problems. But at the same time, you will notice that your boyfriend began to speak like a musical star, subtly and loudly, he does not grow a beard and, in general, hair in his armpits and in other areas, and fat began to appear on his hips and buttocks (and this is not because that you feed him exclusively with dumplings).
What can you do specifically?
If the doctor has not identified any serious problems requiring medical treatment, there may be generally commonplace reasons for the state of non-standing.
1. Wrong diet
Stop feeding him like slaughter and everything will work out. More greens, protein, less harmfulness and fewer portions. Improvements will come in a month. Do not disdain also natural aphrodisiacs.
Carol Queen
sexologist, author of books on sex
Foreplay is not only caress, but also atmosphere and food. The most effective natural aphrodisiacs are ginger, oysters, asparagus, artichoke, onion, and red meat. They help even with the strongest sexual impotence.
2. Addiction to alcohol and smoking
Now remember this cute inscription on cigarettes “Smoking causes impotence.” Remembered? So don’t be surprised if he smokes a pack a day. Alcohol is here. A glass of wine before sex will relax and tune you in the right way, and a bottle will make him swarm languidly and eventually snore on you.
3. Fatigue and stress
Troubles at work, steam and insomnia can also affect erections. Therefore, as soon as he sleeps and feels like the king of the office again, you will frolic in bed again.
Everyone has misfires, be it a porn actor, Vasya from the next doorway, or your stallion. Treat the situation easier, do not turn away from the man, and then he will appreciate you twice as much, realizing that you accept him like that. And he will be afraid to leave with another, because she will not necessarily be as patient.