Recently, I tried to sell strangers the best sex. And I succeeded, though with the help of professionals. And this story began – you won’t believe it! – with soap.  

I admit both in spirit: for the first time in a sex shop I went to buy soap. A friend said that they sell natural soap made in Latvia by weight – honey, milk, with the smell of melon, lilac, lavender, lily of the valley … 

So, I went to a sex shop for soap. For soap – and nothing more. Honestly! I came. With a proud and independent look of a free woman. Crumpled under a bright sign, painted circles around the treasured object and … left. She called her friend: “Come with me to a sex shop!” She agreed easily: “Let’s go. I just looked there a vibrator in the form of lipstick, maybe I’ll buy … ” 

Yes, I will tell you, the shock of Caesar, exclaiming: “And you, Brutus?” Under more tragic circumstances, nothing compared to my surprise, which caused the words of a friend: it turns out, and she, a married woman, sometimes indulges … And I, I I – the worse I am? So we set off. An inexplicable and incredible fun swept over me in the store, and I sneakily, as if I visit sex shops every day, asked the seller: “And show us THIS! Is there anything new? ” The seller, smiling, took us to a nook and showed IT in assortment, talked about each sex toy. 

She told and showed it so calmly and easily that my nervous fun disappeared somewhere, I began to listen to her and ask quite adequate questions. I left the store, buying a very intimate thing (no soap, that time I did not notice it at all). But the girlfriend did not dare to purchase the coveted vibrator. And then I, the journalist, had the idea to return to sex shop as a seller. To study the process of selling the best sex from the inside and to get rid once and for all of the complex that prevented me from first entering this store, and then – quietly talking to the seller … Invented – done.  

With flowers, hearts, proboscis

 – Amazing woman! – the man who ran into the store for … let’s say, a “strawberry” film, looks admiringly at me and kisses my hands. Isn’t it a pleasant start to my work day? It’s great to realize that men appreciate the Custodian forms, of which I am the happy owner. I refuse a closer acquaintance to this connoisseur of true beauty, for I have been given to another and will be his age … And then the Chinese bell rings above the front door: another visitor has come. Again a man, and immediately to me:  

 – Are you new? Trainee? And I am a regular customer, I never leave here without a purchase. I go to this store like a holiday! – Why? – I am surprised. “Because I still need THIS!” With horror, I think that the time will come when sex will cease to excite me. After all, THIS is the only real pleasure in life! (And I thought that men were worried about global problems: wars, oil prices, football, after all. It turned out, no, everything is much simpler. As they say, look at the root …). Meanwhile, the man buys condoms (from the whole assortment – with balls, with antennae, of different thicknesses, colors and smells, he quickly chooses what is needed. It is immediately obvious that he is a regular customer and a caring partner) and leaves.
  
  

  

While there are no visitors, I ask the seller (pretty Elena today to change) to take a tour of the store – should I know what I am selling. Lena begins my acquaintance with the world of the sex industry with the most harmless – underwear. However, I’ll tell you, correctly selected linen can become a weapon of mass destruction. So its harmlessness is a big question. I’m talking about men’s and women’s underwear – there are many and all sizes in both here and there. I was especially touched by men’s swimming trunks and boxers in a flower, with hearts, as well as translucent and completely transparent, in a mesh. I also liked men’s swimming trunks with a trunk and swimming trunks, when clicked, a squeak is heard.    

 “Men are fashionable, ” says Lena, “they are happy to buy underpants with unusual patterns.” And yesterday, one acquired just such swimming trunks – it shows a package that shows a macho in silver swimming trunks that fit so that you can see all its dignity, or rather, the reliefs of this dignity. “Why not wear men’s playful underwear? – I think. “ Especially if they have something to show how this macho.”      

Do you still use cucumbers?

Meanwhile, the store was filled with visitors. One in the process of shopping acquired slippers with an edge and rushed to a sex shop for suitable underwear. Another with her husband came for candles – they decided to have a romantic dinner. The third visited the store at the request of her friend: – She needs a vibrator, but she herself is embarrassed to come. Here, she sent me as the boldest … 
 

Hearing this, I immediately recall the stories of sex shop sellers that most buyers, according to them, take goods to a friend, brother, matchmaker, cousin — anyone, but not themselves. There are few who dare to say: “You know, but I need …”. In general, Lena does not have time to serve all customers, and here I came in handy: to serve and remove boxes with erotic capes and pajamas, to pack the laundry back; talk with a brave girl until the seller is free. To give advice to me was weak: I did not study the assortment.  

And finally, Lena and I set off to tell a brave girl about IT. Heard a ditty: “All men are scoundrels, is it a matter of cucumbers!”?  

I don’t know – I don’t know, maybe someone still uses cucumbers, but the luminaries of the intimate sciences invented things much more interesting! So, so briefly about THIS. There are dildos, there are dildos, there are vibrators. The first ones do not move, they must either be held in the hand, or attached to a suction cup (if any); the latter also do not move, but on the straps (put on the hips), and the latter move. All this miracle is made either from gel, or from PVC, or from cyber leather (I touched – almost like a real one!). And there are artificial vaginas and “virgins”. This, as you know, is for men. By the way, the girl was impressed with the tour and … left without a purchase.    

 – Lena, are you not shy about selling THIS to people? – I ask the seller. – Well, what are you! I really like working here, what kind of shyness? – Lena is surprised. – All the goods are beautiful and very necessary for people! She is carried away to serve the next customer, and I remain in the department of silicone-rubber magnificence (yes, really, customers!). And I find a lot of interesting things: inflatable dolls; small-small vibrators that you can put in your purse and … in general, use it whenever and wherever; nozzles for those who want a variety in sex, and much more for both women and men, and for both at once. “Tink!” – this is again a visitor, that same brave girl, decided to buy a vibrator for her friend. 
    
 

Without soap from a sex shop

In fact, I would not call sex shops sex shops. Rather, these are shops for lovers. Judge for yourself: in addition to sex toys, intimate cosmetics (lubricants, prologgers, massage oils , etc.), films with “strawberries”, erotic lingerie, there are a lot of training books. I counted about 10 types of Kama Sutras – from traditional to “de luxe of the XXI century”, books on erotic massage, quick sex, tantric sex and even about sex, “a partner for which is optional”, and attention! – a book about sex diet. I mean – instead of cake, sex. I think if I ever decide to go on a diet, I’ll choose this one. For romantic people in the store I found aroma lamps and aromatic oils, candles, beautiful cards for lovers, “Alphabet of Love” and “Ero-Plannig” (a calendar with pictures depicting poses for every day). For those who like to joke – a whole showcase with sex jokes.          

In general, the store owners took into account everything except the … markers when selecting the goods. When I was unhappy, only one buyer left: he says he saw a new store, decided to go in, especially since he needs markers, and we don’t have them on sale, for some reason everything is only about sex, about sex, for sex. “I’m old, I don’t need it, ” he said. “ Now, if you had markers …” He was wrong: sex is submissive to all ages – I forgot to mention that the visitors were different: young, over 30, and over 60.    

… The man of my dreams (he is the one to whom I was given … – see above) deduced the formula of love (referring exclusively to sex, I hope): a successful pose multiplied by the number of times. Thinking, he added: “Well, even the length of the instrument.” In fact, the main lesson that I learned after a working day in this store is this: it is not a matter of pose, not quantity, not size, and even attention! – not in skill, the whole thing is in the creative approach of the two to the relationship. Both to the physical and to their spiritual side. And if you don’t have enough of your imagination or, conversely, the creative hits over the edge – go to a sex shop, do not be shy! For there is nothing to be ashamed of – I tell you this, a woman who has not a trace of embarrassment left, who can go into this store the fir