What to do if partners want different things in bed: one wants to have sex, and the other wants to … Sleep. When you hear from a loved one that he is “too tired”, it can be both surprising and unpleasant at the same time. After all, you always want to be desired, and it becomes a shame that you are denied. But sometimes sleep is the thing you want the most. Why it happens? And what to do in such a situation to keep the relationship?

Fatigue as a Sexual Problem

What do sleep and sex have in common? Bed is where we sleep and have sex in most cases. Also, although it is not so obvious, the same factors often affect the lack of sleep and sex, namely stress. How is this expressed?

At different times in life, our need for good sleep may increase. But at the same time, there are always reasons why the dream of getting enough sleep remains unfulfilled. For example, problems at work, a lot of household chores, taking care of children, especially small ones – all this affects the quantity and quality of sleep.

The symptoms of sleep deprivation are well known. Irritability, quarrelsomeness, stress, conflict and lethargy – all of this a person can face if they do not get enough sleep. And what to do if a cup of coffee does not help to invigorate, and all these negative feelings remain with you for the whole day. Would you like to have sex in the evening? The answer is most likely no.

How sleep affects sex

This is a repetitive cycle: lack of sleep causes problems in sexual relations between partners, and lack of intimacy affects the quality of sleep.

American sexologist Jessica O’Reilly suggests that good sleep can fix everything. “Sleep plays a key role in a good sex life and healthy relationships,” she says. How can sleep improve your sex life? There are 4 points:

• No quarrels . Research shows that couples are less likely to fight after a good night’s sleep. When you are both in conflict, the last thing you want to do is have sex.
• Good sleep improves relationships between partners . People more understand the feelings and experiences of each other when they slept.
• The morning of the evening is sexier . If partners had an argument the night before, then they have a better chance of successfully resolving the conflict after a night’s sleep. And when all is well, why not have sex?
• Sleep really regenerates the cells of the body . It helps your body to function better, your skin becomes more radiant, self-esteem is enhanced and you have more strength. And all this is also important for a good relationship in a couple.

How to solve sleep problems and improve your sex life

If you have trouble sleeping due to the amount of work and find it too tedious and difficult, it may be time to find another or think about a better work schedule. Tired of the daily commute to work, because it takes a long time to get to it, or traffic jams along the way, then it’s time to find something closer to home.

Someone might say – it’s very strange to change jobs to improve sex. But the stress of work, in addition to the intimate area, can also affect other areas of life.

So how can you improve your sleep and, consequently, intimacy with your partner? There are several ways:

• Go to bed on time . Many people in childhood dreamed that, as adults, they would go to bed whenever they wanted. Others deliberately reject the idea of ​​early sleep for fear of not being able to do something. In fact, by establishing a regular sleep schedule, you will have enough time for both good sleep and great sex.
• Prepare a place to sleep . Take care of creating your own cozy corner for sleeping: choose the right lighting, a comfortable temperature, and minimize the noise of the environment. All of this will not only promote good sleep, but also help great sex with a partner.
• Do not use gadgets before going to bed and alone with your partner – it is better to spend this time talking with each other, and not watching the feed on the social network. And even if you want to watch something – turn on an erotic film and get excited, maybe you even want to repeat something from what you saw. 
• Try morning sex. Sexologist Jessica O’Reilly suggests going to bed if you’re feeling tired. And have sex in the morning, just setting the alarm 20-30 minutes earlier than usual. Morning sex is great, she says, and although not everyone likes it, that’s when testosterone levels are highest. 
• Sleep in separate beds. One of the common reasons why we don’t get enough sleep is because of the different sleeping positions and concepts of comfort. Can two people sleep well if each of them sleeps like a “star”? Or is one constantly cold, and he pulls off the blanket from the other? In this case, a separate sleeping place for each partner is a real way out. So not only the dream becomes better, but you also “miss” your soul mate more, and it’s more interesting to decide in whose bed the “meeting” will take place today. 
• Sex during REM sleep . “Sex during REM sleep can be really hot because of the sudden release of hormones in the bloodstream. The main thing is to get your partner’s consent in advance to wake him up with a little sexual play ”- advises Jessica O’Reilly.

Of course, it can be difficult to choose between the need for sleep or sex. After all, a person equally needs both the first and the second. But each situation will have its own solution, just remember to communicate with each other.