People tend to make mistakes. Some people fall in love, get married and, although they are mistaken in something, they continue to live together happily and happily, while others admit annoying blunders that destroy relationships and separate the couple in different directions forever.MedAboutMe figured out what fatal mistakes women make in marriage, and why they sooner or later lead to the breakup of the family.
Mistake number 1: unrealistic and unjustified expectations
Sometimes it happens that a woman chooses to husband a man who does not immediately meet her expectations and ambitions. But at the stage of forming relationships, she sees nothing wrong with that. The reason is the belief that for the sake of her and their families he will definitely change, overcome all obstacles, and if necessary, move mountains. And in the end will give her what she wants and deserves.
The other side of the coin is unjustified expectations. It is quite natural that, creating a family, we expect something from the relationship. Just the expectations of the spouses may not coincide, then they will move in different directions. As a result, one of the partners (or even both) understands that they have been deceived in their hopes, there comes a moment of truth and disappointment.
Summary: we consider love and respect as the most important factors in a marriage, but in reality, often the key to a long-term union is the ability to accept a partner and relationships as they are. Then there is no need to compare it with others and expect that for the sake of the family it will necessarily change, becoming what it really is not, or even does not want to be.
Mistake number 2: children above all
When a woman becomes a mother, she often makes a mistake that could jeopardize family happiness. The reason is that it puts children’s interests at the forefront, gives them all the attention and time, forgetting about the spouse, and sometimes about herself.
Summary: we all play some roles, but when a woman is concerned only with children and the role of “mother”, she can begin to forget about her role as “wife.” No matter how difficult it is, you need to try to find a balance. Otherwise, gradually, all the romance and “chemistry” will disappear from the relationship, and as a result, the spouses will turn from a loving couple into two people who simply live together for the sake of the children.
Mistake number 3: constant criticism of the actions of a man and his comparison with others
A man perceives any criticism from a woman as an indication that she does not appreciate and respect him. He feels worse when she does it in the presence of other people. Public humiliation is much stronger than male self-love and self-esteem.
Representatives of the stronger sex also react painfully when a woman compares him with others, and he clearly loses against their background. From childhood, he dreamed of being better than others: to have the coolest cars, to be the strongest and most courageous, to lead in everything, to be friends with the most wonderful girls, etc. In adulthood, the same thing happens, just the goals of men more global. When he cannot succeed in something, it hurts him. But when a wife emphasizes his inconsistency in anything, his sufferings only increase from this.
Mistake number 4: outside interference in a couple’s relationship
Women make a big mistake when they allow outsiders (parents, girlfriends, friends, etc.) to influence family relationships, decision making in a couple. Often this happens because of inexperience: when they marry, young people usually welcome any help, as a result it often leads to the fact that numerous relatives and friends begin to violate the boundaries of the newly formed family. And it is good if the spouses form a united front, protecting each other, but if they allow themselves to be separated, this can lead to dire consequences, including divorce.
Another form of intervention in family relationships is to complain about the behavior of a husband to other people, whether it be parents, close friends or colleagues. Responding badly to a man, a woman automatically makes him an enemy of his surroundings. If you constantly represent him in a negative light, in the end, they will want to save her from this monster, whom she married, even if he is not.
Summary: in a relationship there should be only two. You need to learn to build boundaries and not allow anyone to interfere in your life. When problems arise in a family, it is advisable to solve them together. If you really want to share with someone, let it be the closest friend, and even better – a psychologist.
Mistake number 5: total control
A woman makes a mistake trying to control a man’s life in everything. She makes him ask for leave, constantly calls and asks when he comes, checks messages in his phone, reads correspondence on social networks, etc. Thus she violates his boundaries.
Constant attempts to control a man and even worse – unfounded jealousy – will lead to the fact that he will feel uncomfortable next to his companion. If the situation does not change, divorce cannot be avoided. Relationship should be trust, not every second control.
Summary: no need to try to get into his soul and fill with himself his whole life, otherwise he may lose interest. Instead of controlling him in everything, it is better to try to become the woman to whom he himself will always strive after the end of the working day.
Mistake number 6: silence problems
It would seem that women are emotional, so they should share with the husband all the problems arising in the relationship. But this does not always happen immediately. Sometimes the wife prefers to keep silent about her offenses when they appear, but in the end she can dump them all at once on the head of a life partner, and in the most derogatory form. But none of us can get into another person’s head to understand his feelings and read his mind.
Summary: perhaps it is to his question “what is the problem?” not to answer “in nothing” when “something” takes place. Leaving the problems only for themselves, the woman becomes like a powder keg. But when she finally explodes, everyone will suffer , including herself. Maybe you should share your feelings with your husband? And if the conversation does not work – it makes sense to try to write him a letter or a message on the social network?
Mistake number 7: challenging his family leadership
A woman makes a mistake when she begins to find out which of them is in charge with her husband. Often this is because she is afraid of losing autonomy and independence. Perhaps, it seems to her, there is nothing wrong with drawing decisions on important issues regarding their families. But as a result, it undermines the authority of the man and makes even the partner who was initially strong strong.
Summary: family is like any other organization. In it, someone must be in charge. Of course, it is possible to discuss the issue before making a decision, but one person should put the point. And this someone will bear full responsibility when something goes wrong. Everybody will turn to him for advice, help and solution of the problem. The only question is who it will be: a man or a woman?
Mistake number 8: dishonesty in financial matters or inability to discuss them
Avoid discussing financial issues; dishonesty, which can begin with a small lie, and end with the concealment of information about large purchases and personal savings; that one spouse earns more than another and therefore thinks he has more power; – All these and other issues related to money, can undermine the marriage.
Summary: to avoid conflicts on the basis of money, you need to negotiate how much money can be spent on the personal whims of the spouses, and how much should go for the benefit of the family. Financial matters matter, but they do not have to control family life or destroy marriage. If money management is a sore spot for a couple, you should think about therapy or the help of a financial advisor.
Mistake number 9: lack of love and avoidance of intimacy.
It is important for a man to feel loved. When he feels the lack of love of his wife, he will look for her on the side, and if he finds there that he does not receive enough in the family, he will leave at all.
The woman’s mistake is also that she deliberately denies her husband intimacy. Relations in this sphere are not a subject for bargaining: wives are mistaken when they shy away from bedding comfort or, worse, punish a man by their absence. If you continue in the same vein, over time this can be the basis for a divorce.
Mistake number 10: the wrong choice from the start.
Often women make such a mistake as the initial choice of the wrong man. Some do it consciously. They naively believe that they will be able to remake it in their own way, and for his sake he will definitely change or that he will not do the same with her as with others.
Summary: the typical mistake of the female half of humanity is an attempt to change a man in the hope of making it as good as possible. Women forget that it is important to love the chosen one for who he is, to appreciate his virtues, instead of looking for flaws. When the future life partner has any harmful addiction, you need to understand that, most likely, you will have to get used to his habits. Therefore, there is a possibility: what is not pleasant now, then it will simply start to enrage and, in the end, will cause a rupture.
In the case when a woman is embarrassed by the rudeness of her partner in relation to her family and friends, there is a great chance that after a while the words “keep quiet when you are not asked!” She will hear already in her address.