Have you ever thought about when to start an intimate relationship? After how many days of dating? Or do you think that doesn’t matter?
Do you know the situation when, after dating and hasty sex, everything just as quickly ended? And the soul was so disgusting and incomprehensible, why so?
Are you afraid that after your refusal to have sex a couple of days after meeting a man will not continue the relationship?
Do you think that if you surprise a man in bed, you can hope to continue the relationship?
And did you have such a way that after a short acquaintance and quick sex the relationship continued, but didn’t bring happiness to you, that you did not know the man with whom you entered into a relationship? And breaking them was quite difficult.
I think many people are familiar with these situations. Of course, there are other examples where everyone, after hasty sex, lived happily ever after.
But experience shows that most often, sex in the early stages of acquaintance leads to nothing but sex itself and female affection. And if you want not one-time sex, but a long and happy relationship, let’s figure out why this happens.
Why is that?
A man and a woman have different attitudes towards sex; it has different meanings for us. This is due to the developmental stages of attachment.
How do men form attachment?
1. Physical attraction. A man is always attracted by his appearance, and he immediately has a physical attraction. Very simply I will say – a man wants sex right away, he is so arranged.
2. Emotional affection. Wake up emotional interest, warmth and ease in a relationship.
3. Intellectual attraction – interest in a woman as a person, it becomes interesting how she lives, what her values are.
4. Psychic attraction – arises only if he felt intimacy, cravings within himself at stages 1, 2 and 3. It occurs uncontrollably if stages 1, 2, 3 are correctly completed.
If a man wants sex and immediately receives it, then his attachment will not go to the remaining stages. He may not leave immediately, but emotionally, intellectually and sincerely he will not become attached to a woman. And on one sex you will not go far.
What about women?
And female nature is completely different. We can become attached to a man if he is interesting to us or has shown interest in us, a woman can think up everything else about him herself.
1. Intellectual attraction. A woman can fall in love with a man’s intellect: he can tell something interesting, behave interesting, unusual, or the way a woman wants to. And the woman is already starting to become attached. A woman falls in love with what seems to her intellect, as simple as a man begins to want sex, if he sees attractive, in his opinion, appearance. And a lot of things about a man a woman at this moment comes up with herself. It already seems to her that their relationship has a future.
2. Emotional intimacy – when there is interest, a woman begins to seem that she fell in love. I want to talk, share, be gentle, my heart is warm.
3. Mental attraction.
4. Physical attraction. And after all these stages, the woman is really ready for physical intimacy. A kind of prelude is needed.
All the same, but in a different sequence!
You see, everything seems to be the same, but in a completely different sequence. And it seems to us that with a partner everything should develop in exactly the same way.
A woman, seeing a man’s desire for physical intimacy, believes that he already has some feelings and emotions for her.
What to do?
First, to realize that you can’t attach a man to sex with yourself.
Secondly , in order to let go through all the stages of forming attachment, to give yourself time to get to know a person, and not to come up with it, I recommend applying the “90 days without sex” rule (by the way, it is recommended to use the man, Steve Harvey, an American writer).
Here is what he writes: “Women are deeply mistaken in believing that sex will help them attach a man to themselves. That is why I so earnestly insist that women adopt the “Rule of Ninety Days”.
The rule “90 days without sex”
This rule is a period during which a woman does not enter physical intimacy with a new acquaintance. This is the minimum time it takes for the formation of attachment and the transition of a man from the first stage to the next.
During this time, you need to get to know each other and, based on the knowledge gained about the person, and not on how he seemed to you, make a decision on continuing the relationship.
Tough but reasonable!
I think this rule will seem tough to many. Of course, it is up to you to decide. But think: if a man leaves, if he was denied hasty sex, where is the guarantee that he will not leave after?
Women have one feature. After sex, we become attached to the person, and he mentally stays with us for a long time – in our thoughts, in our subtle body. And breaking this attachment to a woman is then very difficult. Frankly, it hurts. Therefore, take care of yourself, respect your female nature.
Ask yourself: do you just need sex or relationships?